I've Moved!

Wondering where I am lately?  It's because I have moved to a different blog site where I can give you better blogs and have the freedom to grow in this journey through blogging.   Come on by and Check It Out.

P.S. Don't forget to subscribe to my new blog so you can keep up to date with what I am posting!

Thanks for reading and God bless you!

Where's The Instruction Manual To Myself?

There was a TV show back in the 1980's called Greatest American Hero.  It was not a well known TV show, but I enjoyed it a lot when I was a kid.

The basic plot was that this school teacher received a super suit from some Aliens and he was suppose to use it to help the world.  But when he took the suit home, he discovered that he had lost the instruction manual to the super suit, which meant that he was going to have to figure out how to perform the super powers on his own.

Do you ever feel that way about yourself?  Like you have lost the instruction manual to yourself and the inner workings of your life?  You know, deep down inside you, that if you could just find that manual, then you would be able to use your life to do great things.  So where's the instruction manual?

I'm confusing, but so are you

Though I have not lived very long, I have realized over my small lifetime that I am confusing!  Just when I think I understand myself, that is precisely the time when I discover something else.

I have also discovered that life is equally as confusing.  So put both together and you can understand why a lot of people check into a mental hospital...  let's face it, we're all confusing, especially to ourselves.

Discovering yourself can be overwhelming

Instructions would be really nice, but sadly we don't come naturally with a step by step guide to ourselves. Far from it.  We instead go about our lives trying this and that and slowly discovering more about the person we are.

For instance, over the coarse of the last few months I have discovered that I have been lying to myself, that my life struggles have really been a classroom that has taught me a lot, and one of my newer discoveries is that I have SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder).  That's a lot of discoveries for that brief amount of time.  I am happy about finding these things out, but in the back of my mind I know that this is just the beginning.

I have tons of the things to discover about these new facets of me.  Finding out about SPD has been a freeing experience, but I still need to figure out ways to deal with this issue in my life; an issue that has been there for a lot longer than I knew.

Slowly, I have found that noise canceling headphones help me with my difficulties in restaurants.  Along with my Core Disk that allows me to fidget in my chair without being distracting to the other people around me.

There are tons more that I still have yet to discover.

The joy of the discovery

It would be so helpful to have an instruction manual, instead of wandering around in confusion, but, then again, there wouldn't gain as much if we did have a manual.

When we are able to discover something knew, without an instruction manual, there is a feeling of accomplishment.  Usually when we discover something about ourselves it is partially because we have finally reached the place where we are ready to understand that puzzle piece.

It is like we're fitting together a puzzle without the help of the box lid.  Often times we may pick up a piece that doesn't make sense now, but if we work on the other pieces for a little while eventually we figure out where that piece needs to go.

The confusion is removed because we see how it fits with the other pieces.

It is the same way with our lives.  You may be confused now about a piece of yourself, but just hold off on that piece for a little while.  Sooner or later that piece will make sense and you'll be able to fit it into the puzzle.  And if not, then perhaps that piece doesn't belong in your puzzle after all.

Our super suits didn't come with a manual, but that doesn't mean we can't be awesome!

""For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."" ~ Jeremiah 29:11

Jesus know's that we're confused about this thing called life, but don't be afraid, because He has everything in His hands.  It may not make sense now, but I know He will give you the strength to persevere in trying to understand and in the end do amazing things with your life.

I know He has been faithful in showing me where my puzzle pieces go and I know He will finish this puzzle in His timing.  My life is confusing, but I know He will take that confusion and make something awesome out of it.

Until then, lets try to enjoy the journey. Because, no matter what age you are, we are all on a journey of discovering ourselves and our place in this world.  We all need to focus on this journey and not on the destination alone.

You haven't lost your instruction manual, it's just still being written by you.

I am sorry if that last part is highlighted in white... blogger is acting strange and I can't fix it.

What about you? What are you discovering about yourself that you never knew before?  How do these discoveries make you feel?  Comment below about what you are excited to learn more about yourself.  Also feel free to post questions below, I will do my best to answer them. Thanks for reading and God bless.

Shove Me Into The Fire- Track 1 on Songstress

We are all naturally blind to this darkness.  We can't see the things that need to change in our hearts and in the hearts of others, only God can.  That is why He and only He is the refiner of our hearts.

                                                                              Photo from http://pixabay.com, Words added.

As we grow up, from being a child to an adult, our eyes begin to open.  Not physically, but spiritually and mentally.  We begin to see things that we missed in adolescence. These truths become known to us through experience and observation.  Not at once, but gradually.

When I wrote this song, I had just been re-awoken to the reality of Jesus.  I saw truths that had been hidden from me and I saw that I had so much more to learn.  From this realization sprung a deep desire to see more.  To no longer push aside the reality that this is a fallen world that desperately needs a Savior.

A plea:

This song is a plea to be awoken to the truths that are hidden in the jumble of this world.  The same plea that many people cried out when they saw injustice and slavery.  The same plea that cries out  for a voice for the voiceless.

God uses many things in this world to refine us and open our eyes to these hidden truths.  Each person is different and prepared in their own special way by Him.  For some it is going to the mission field and feeling the call to make that a life long commitment.  For others it is experiencing a death in the family and learning that every day is precious.

For me, it was spending many years struggling with depression and my own health issues to be awoken to the reality that Jesus gives us life and life abundantly.

Every time we refuse to lie to ourselves and choose to face the reality of this world, our hearts begin to grow and we become closer to who He desires us to be.

The struggle:

But this isn't easy.  This graphic image of being shoved into the fire is just as it sounds... painful.

But God uses each struggle to open our hearts to Himself more, because He is the one who is quenching the cry within our hearts, when nothing else is left to satisfy that cry.  He is the one who shows us what we cannot see for ourselves.

It takes time and energy, but it is worth every minute of the process.

I wrote this song more than four years ago, but I still return to it and continue to pray that God would shove me into His refining fire. Not because it is fun, but because I have seen wonderful things happen in my heart because of that fire.

So I urge you all to pray that God would shove you into the fire so that you too may experience Him more fully.

He will never stop refining us as we walk this journey through this crazy world... never!

Too long have I hidden my face from all I could see.
Too long have I dwelt in a blind society.

I can't see the darkness inside my soul.

I long to be made whole.

*Shove me into the fire: so that I can be made complete

Shove me into the fire: so I can be your hands and feet

Help me know what to learn, deep inside me is a fire that longs to burn

Refine me in Your holy flame.  Make me feel more real everyday.

Now that I've awoken to this shadow world that I'm in.
I see so much missing, oh, I pray You would begin.

For I can't see the darkness inside my soul.

I long to be made whole.
(Go to *)

Only You can shape my heart, my love, my Lord.

Only You can take me apart and put me back together again.
(Go to *)

What are some of the ways God has shoved you into the fire?  How has your heart grown through these?  Comment in the comments below a few lessons that you have learned through these experiences. 

Whether you have just come out of or are in the middle of the fire, each of us have gone through times of refining... so you're not alone in this struggle.

Also, if you liked the verse above and want to read more about Gods refining fire, here are a few other verse to get you started: Isaiah 48:10-11, Daniel 11:35, Proverbs 17:3.

Thanks for reading and listening!  God bless!

The Unreachable Perfect

The old saying, "Practice makes perfect," was wrong!

Photo from Pixabay.com

I am a born perfectionist -been that way ever since I was kid.

When I was young, I saw it in little things, such as in my sculpting projects or other little creations. But when I started trying to learn how to be a full time, professional, musician, my perfectionism began driving me crazy.  

Constantly trying to find the perfect sound, or the perfect way to record this instrument, or do this in a mix, was too much of a burden for me to handle.  

I read lots of books, listened to instructional DVD's and kept saying, "If I only try harder then I will reach perfection."

I soon realized that perfection is an unreachable mark.

Perfection sets the bar so high, that of course I am going to fail.  There is nothing left but failure.

Now, don't get me wrong, my perfectionism isn't always a beast; it's often a blessing.  It pushes me to go beyond the "normal"; to look into creative ways to make things work and work well.  I wouldn't be the artist I am today if it wasn't for this trait, but even the best traits can be your worst enemies.

What you as a musician and an artist need to understand is that perfect is unreachable and that we should be grateful for this fact.

If perfection was attainable, we would be too scared to create anything beyond that perfect creation.  The unreachable perfection keeps us as artists striving  for better creations.  It keeps the creative juices flowing.

Perhaps, "perfection" shouldn't be our goal anymore? Perhaps "growth" should take it's place?

Because if you are growing in your art -pushing yourself to be better and think bigger than before- then you are accomplishing a lot.

-Keep in mind the fact that even those who, in our minds, have "made it" in their art, still consider their work imperfect and in need of improvements.

We are naturally our worst critic.

So stop chasing the elusive perfect and start giving yourself some credit for what you are accomplishing right now!

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business.” ― Michael J. Fox

 Perfect is like tomorrow: it can never be reached, but better, that is a goal we can obtain.  Excellence, that is something we can achieve.

So the question is this: Are you going to continue striving after something that you can't obtain or are you going to start working towards the reachable "better"? It is up to you.

How about you? Have you been running after the unreachable perfect?  What steps can you take today towards growing in your art?  How can you stop striving after perfection and starting shooting for growth?

And don't forget to tell me about it.

Comment below one thing that you want to grow in... not be perfect at... but to be better at.  Then go out and do it!

Music, Out Of The Box

I have heard a lot of Christians say that it is a sin to enjoy secular music.  Or that it's ok to listen to it, but the music that truly satisfies your soul and uplifts you is Christian music.

I have a confession to make.  The vast majority of the music I listen to, on a daily basis, is secular music.
And I'm ok with that...

For the longest time, I bought into this lie and all I listened to was artists that had a Christian label.  At that time, music wasn't a big deal in my life.

It hadn't come alive to my soul.

I discovered the guitar when I was about fourteen years old.  Up until that point I had only played the piano and just listened to Christian music.  But after I discovered my guitar, my heart was introduced to the true beauty of music.

Music was let out of it's box and I saw that it was more than what I had ever imagined.  However it wasn't just my guitar that did it...surprisingly it was a secular artist that showed me what music can truly be.

It was while my dad and I were driving down to Chicago to visit my sister at college.

As we were driving down the country roads that eventually hooked up with the interstate, Dad suddenly turned to me and asked, "Would you mind if I put in on a CD of Simon and Garfunkel?"

I sat quiet for a minute, thinking.  I had listened to these strange singers before, when I was much younger. I had found their music kind of creepy at the time, but instead of saying no, I heard myself saying, "Sure.  I'll give them a try."

The CD was then inserted and my life was changed forever.  As I listened to the words of Paul Simon like, "Hello darkness my old friend" or "and a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries."  I felt like my heart had awakened to a whole new world.

As I listened to the simple arrangements, complex harmonies and the finger picking of Paul's acoustic guitar, music was let out of it's box and began feeding my hungry soul.

You must understand that previously that year I had been experiencing some deep depression.  I felt confused and lonely.  God seemed far away and I didn't know Who He was anymore.   My life had no purpose, no meaning for me to live.

I was literately too scared of death to kill myself, but too depressed in life to live anymore.

My world was trying to face the hard questions of life, but instead of understanding, all the music I listened to just tried to cover all my pain with perky words and lyrics.

But this time around, the words that Paul Simon wrote expressed exactly what I was experiencing.

Of coarse I had found the words creepy before.  I hadn't experienced the utter wretchedness of life yet.

These words told of a world of emptiness and a desperate need for love.

That first listening was the beginning of thousands. Paul Simon is still, in my opinion, one of the greatest songwriters.

But that CD was just the beginning.  The more I dug into music, the more I was exposed to great musical arrangements and unique vocal styles.  Singer/Songwriters such as Carol King and John Denver taught me that great music wasn't made from writing a song that mentions God a lot.  Great music has great arrangements, compelling lyrics, and original melodies.

These were artist who wrote music for music's sake.

Now I know what you are thinking? Doesn't Christian music have great songwriters and arrangers?  Well, to be honest, not so much.

Yes, there are a few people such as Rich Mullins and the first couple of albums of Andrew Peterson and Sara Groves. But I have noticed that most Christian artist have lost the magic of music.  They settle for simple melodies and lyrics that don't even rhyme.

It seems to me that Christian artists have become so obsessed with having their music be "Christian", that they have forgotten what it is to write a song that is truly musically good.

They have put music into a box and they don't even know it.

The day I first listened to The Moody Blues was the day I realized that we don't need to settle for normal arrangements.  Listen to Justin Haywards songs, Who Are You Now and I Dreamed Last Night, and you'll know what I am talking about.

Too many Christian songs have the same basic melody line, the same type of electric guitar, even the same drum beat.

I've actually been able to sing a song, while listening to a completely different song, and the chords were EXACTLY the same!  We as listeners and as musicians need to realize that music is more than this!

I say with Larry Norman, "why does devil get all the good music!". 

Modern, secular music isn't perfect, but you would think that christian music should be the best music out there, not the worst.  We are serving an awesome God!  We are the ones who should be shaking this generation!

As a musician, I am passionate about making my music be rich in melodies and arrangements.  To not settle for the same old same old, but to reach beyond the mold of Christian music and make music be beautiful again.

To let music out of the box and worship God by creating the best I can possibly create!

When I hear a great arrangement or melody, I feel praise for the Lord well up within my heart... even if that song is being sung by Lincoln Park or Cold Play.

We don't need to say Jesus' name in order for our music to be good.  Just making great music that reaches into the hearts of people glorifies God enough.  God is a great creator that touches the hearts and minds of His people through His greatness.  Shouldn't we?

So I call all my fellow musicians, painters, writers, and listeners.  Let's stop settling for mediocre creations and start creating out of the box and with everything that God has given us.

I want to end this post by sharing some lyrics from an Air Supply Song that has always touched my heart.  I hope it will touch yours as well.

Well it doesn't happen everyday,

But it happened to me once before.

Those early years I threw away,

But I only have to hear your voice to make me feel so sure

That your love is why I want to give it all!

What about you? Why do you listen to what you listen to?  What about their music draws you in or feeds your soul.

Have you been creating the best you can create or settling for mediocre?

Write below your answers or comments and lets start teaming together to create great creations for the Great Creator! 

"Like the Beautiful Curtains of Solomon."- Week 5, Song of Songs 1:5

Have you ever felt an emptiness inside yourself? A filth that is so plan to you, but apparently hidden from everyone else?  Perhaps you felt this way before you were saved by Jesus Christ?  Perhaps you still feel it, despite Christ redemptive power in your life?

Picking up where we left off....

This week the girl describes how she feels unworthy of her shepherds love and how her words show us how unworthy we are of God's love.

Photo from Pixabay.com

Song of songs 1: 5

          “I am so black; but [you are] lovely and pleasant [the ladies assured her].  Oh daughters of Jerusalem, [I am as dark] as the tents of the Bedouin tribe Kedar, like the beautiful curtains of Solomon.” AMP

Face reality, our sin is wretched; completely and utterly horrible.  Sin completely corrupts us, making us intolerable to Gods holiness and perfection.  Because God is so holy and perfect that He cannot ignore a single speck of sin.  If He did, He would cease to be God; He would cease to be perfect.

“I am so black;..."

  Picture this:  Your child has just come in from a long day of playing outside.  Despite the fact that you have told them a dozen times not to play in the mud, the child still went ahead and played until he was covered completely in that nasty, black mud.  This is the picture that the girl is drawing when she uses the word black.  But this blackness reached deeper than just externally.  

Sin stains us. 

  As Paul says we were children of darkness, but when Jesus died and we excepted that payment in our hearts, His redemptive blood washed us and made us new again; virgins once more in Gods sight.

“But you are lovely and pleasant.”

  Do you remember back in the Intro the characters called the Chorus?  This is the first appearance of these unique individuals.  Notice they speak a contradicting statement to the girls statement?

 There are two ways of looking at this part:

           1.  We are all black, but Satan has convinced the world that we are just fine. 

           
 When people come to realize that they are black and sin-filled the world instantly comes back with the reply “no you're not.”  The world refuse's to admit that it has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  As Jesus says, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." John 15:18NIV

  The NIV puts it in a very cool way: “Dark am I, yet lovely”.  The girl listens to the lies the world says and it creates a torn feeling inside her heart.  She feels black and yet she appears beautiful.

But there is a second way of thinking about this part:

         2.  We were black, but redeemed by Christ, therefore the chorus is reminding her that she has been redeemed and has been made beautiful in Christ.

  We are sinful, that is a fact, and because of that we have a tendency to dwell on that fact even after we have been redeemed by Christ. Remembering our sinfulness too much prevents us from enjoying the new life that Christ has given us.  Yes, we were once sin-filled, wretched and drenched in the muck of our sins, but we have been cleansed of being sin-filled.  We are still sinful, meaning we still act sinfully, but the ultimate stains of that sin-filledness has been removed completely by Jesus!

“Oh daughters of Jerusalem, [I am as dark] as the tents of the Bedouin tribe Kedar…”

  I always think that this is such a great illustration of our sin-filled state.  A Bedouin tribe are a group of people who wander around in the desert.  They have no lands, no permanent buildings, nothing to call their own except for the things on their backs.    

They have nothing! 

  What does that remind you of?...us maybe?  When we were sin-filled, we had nothing.  As Ecclesiastes says, “Vapor of vapors and futility of futilities… all is vanity”- Ecc 1:2.  Or as Paul says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."- Rom 6:23NIV  We wandered around like the Israelite's did in the desert, dwelling in our own wretchedness.

  Through this illustration, the girl is referring to the way she was before the shepherd washed her clean.
 
   Notice that she specifically mentions the tents in which they dwell?  She is comparing herself to inanimate objects; the actual tents in which they dwell.  Because, by referring to the tents and not just the people, it shows clearly that sin had penetrated us, even to the very place where we lived everyday of our lives.

  Sin is not a once and a while mistake, but has been burned into the core of everything we do.  It is something we lived in and continually went back to, time and time again.

“Like the beautiful curtains of Solomon.”   

  Look at the contrasting illustrations she is laying out. Moving from a nomad's tent to a kings palace. We are all, sin-filled no matter how rich or how poor.  No matter how good we look on the outside or how richly we adorn ourselves, if we don’t have Jesus we are black and wretched.
 

  Think about what curtains really are.  They are beautiful, usually big, hung around windows, beds, or in front of doors.  They are used to hide things so people don’t see in.

  Now think of what I just said, only imagine that the object being hid by the curtain is sin.  It makes sense doesn’t it?

  By referring to the curtains, she is referring to more than just sin, but how we often want to hide our sin.  That the very act of us hiding our sin is black and wretched, making what we use to hide it from view equally horrible.

So lets face it, our sin is black!

  I know that this topic has probably been a little uncomfortable to think about.  Thanks for making it to the end!  Sadly, we are sinful and we need to experience the depth of our wretchedness before we can understand the depth of Gods love.

Sin lies in everything we do and with out Jesus we are lost.

 

Remember: 

God is the one who has to reach to us first because of our sinfulness.

  He has to reach for us before we can start reaching to him, simply because imperfection cannot try to reach towards perfection.  Once one is imperfect, it is impossible for imperfect to become perfect without complete redemption.  Only perfection can transform us from imperfection to perfection once more.  That's why Jesus had to be perfect, in order for us to be redeemed from our imperfection.

 We were sin-filled and are sinful… The girl is no different than what we were before.

 Why have I written sin-filled instead of sinful in places?  I have nothing against the word sinful, its just that we have rubbed away some of it’s meaning.  When we were sinful, we were sin-filled; every inch of our beings was covered in sin making us worthless.  But when Jesus chose to save us and love us, He cleansed us and made us God-filled.  We still have sinful behaviors or tendencies at times, but we are not sin-filled anymore, but God-filled.

  Sin is something we try to avoid talking about because it is uncomfortable.  However, as much as it is uncomfortable, it is important!  I say again, without understanding the depth of our wretchedness, we cannot understand the depth of Christs love.

  But we also should not dwell on our sinfulness so much that it removes the joy of Christ's salvation (Ps 51:12).  Don't fall into the trap of self pity, but live in the abundant life that Christ has given us through His redemption and love today!

How about you? Do you remember when you felt just as black as the girl feels?  Do you remember how you felt before you received Christ?  Take a few minutes to recall who you truly are without Christ.

But, don't dwell in it!  Once you have remembered your sin-filledness, take some time to remember the joy of Christs redeeming love.  You are no longer died in sin, but alive in Christ.

Then go out and live that way.  Show the world that we all are sinful and in  need of Christ's redeeming blood that washes us whiter than snow!

 

Also, be sure to write below any questions or comments.  I would love to hear from you and hear how this post is helping you in your walk with Jesus.

Thanks for reading and God bless!

I've been lying to... myself?

Is it possible for someone lie to themselves and get away with it?  I know it is because...

I've been lying to myself.

Within the last few days, Jesus has been opening my eyes slowly to the reality that I am not living my life to the fullest.

Jesus once said, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10b

I know it is possible to feel like you are living an abundant life, when in reality you are living a lie .... the lie that you don't care and that everything is fine.

We human beings are creatures of habit.  We get into a groove that we can't get out of, not because we can't, but because we simply get comfortable.  It is as if we are living in a room that has holes and blotches of pain, but instead of stripping the walls and creating a clean slate, we just cover it with more paint.  Instead of filling in the holes, we just hang a picture or place curtains over them.

We get comfortable in a lie that this place is perfect when, in reality, nothing has been fixed... just ignored.

Picture from pixabay.com, words added.

For many years I have been a caregiver for my Mom.  At one time, I was content with this; knowing that I was helping them and they were helping me.  But when I became really sick two years ago, God started pushing me out of my comfort zone.  I started thinking about my life and how fast it seemed to be rushing by me.

I thought back to memories I hadn't thought of in years.  Remembering thoughts that I had ignored for too long and I started thinking, "If I ever get well, what would I do with that life?"

God taught me a lot during this time and now, two years later, those lessons are still pushing me farther.  I realized that I was not happy being where I was, that I had slipped into the comfortable state of not caring and had been lying to myself about what I was truly feeling.

While I was sick, I just wanted to be back to normal, but now that I was getting back to normal I began to see that my normal had changed forever.  My life would never be the same again... and I was actually happy with that.

Little did I know at the time that God had pulled off the pictures, had given me a paint stripper, and had pointed to the walls of my heart with the words, "Come on.  Let's see how beautiful this place can be!"

This is a painful place to be in.  Purposefully facing memories and wounds that have festered for too long is hard!  But every time I decide not to ignore these painful areas and choose to face them, I begin to see the true beauty within that God desires to expose.

I think of a TV show I enjoy called, To The Manor Born.  It is about this rich, well born, woman who has to sell her manor and move to a little dinky house just outside the manor grounds.  She moves there because she eventually intends to buy back the manor from the new owner, but until then she has to live in a house that is small, low class and has cheap architecture.

While she is living in this small house, she and her butler discover that beneath a small, horribly cheap hearth, lies a huge, beautiful, ancient hearth.  All along they had had great beauty, but they never knew it because it was covered up by something else... a cheap imitation.

That is a good picture of us.  We are all houses that have hidden treasures.  We just can't see that fact because we have covered up the wounds in our hearts with cheap imitations.  Saying we're happy with something that is OK, instead of digging deeper to find the wow underneath.

With God's help, the walls of my heart and my life are slowly becoming better and better.  I am excited to see what God will do in this time of renovation in my life.  I know it will be painful, but everyday I see new beauty being revealed.

I refuse to lie to myself anymore, I hope you will too.  Because God never calls us to just survive and pretend we are fine...  He calls us to live and live abundantly!

 How about you?  Are you lying to yourself?  Do you struggle with digging in the muck of your heart to find beauty within?  Jesus wants you to live abundantly right now.  To no longer settle for imitation joy and start experiencing His real joy.  Start renovating your heart now by asking yourself some questions...

 

Are you happy where you are and who you are?

 

Is it in line with what God lays out in His word?

 

How can you improve your life?- Whether that is being bolder in groups.  Being more committed to your job.  Or just getting up a little earlier and spending some quality time with Jesus.

 

Give each step of this journey to God and pray that He continue to make you into a new creation more and more each day!