Is it possible for someone lie to themselves and get away with it? I know it is because...
I've been lying to myself.
Within the last few days, Jesus has been opening my eyes slowly to the reality that I am not living my life to the fullest.
Jesus once said, "I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10b
I know it is possible to feel like you are living an abundant life, when in reality you are living a lie .... the lie that you don't care and that everything is fine.
We human beings are creatures of habit. We get into a groove that we can't get out of, not because we can't, but because we simply get comfortable. It is as if we are living in a room that has holes and blotches of pain, but instead of stripping the walls and creating a clean slate, we just cover it with more paint. Instead of filling in the holes, we just hang a picture or place curtains over them.
We get comfortable in a lie that this place is perfect when, in reality, nothing has been fixed... just ignored.
Picture from pixabay.com, words added.
For many years I have been a caregiver for my Mom. At one time, I was content with this; knowing that I was helping them and they were helping me. But when I became really sick two years ago, God started pushing me out of my comfort zone. I started thinking about my life and how fast it seemed to be rushing by me.
I thought back to memories I hadn't thought of in years. Remembering thoughts that I had ignored for too long and I started thinking, "If I ever get well, what would I do with that life?"
God taught me a lot during this time and now, two years later, those lessons are still pushing me farther. I realized that I was not happy being where I was, that I had slipped into the comfortable state of not caring and had been lying to myself about what I was truly feeling.
While I was sick, I just wanted to be back to normal, but now that I was getting back to normal I began to see that my normal had changed forever. My life would never be the same again... and I was actually happy with that.
Little did I know at the time that God had pulled off the pictures, had given me a paint stripper, and had pointed to the walls of my heart with the words, "Come on. Let's see how beautiful this place can be!"
This is a painful place to be in. Purposefully facing memories and wounds that have festered for too long is hard! But every time I decide not to ignore these painful areas and choose to face them, I begin to see the true beauty within that God desires to expose.
I think of a TV show I enjoy called, To The Manor Born. It is about this rich, well born, woman who has to sell her manor and move to a little dinky house just outside the manor grounds. She moves there because she eventually intends to buy back the manor from the new owner, but until then she has to live in a house that is small, low class and has cheap architecture.
While she is living in this small house, she and her butler discover that beneath a small, horribly cheap hearth, lies a huge, beautiful, ancient hearth. All along they had had great beauty, but they never knew it because it was covered up by something else... a cheap imitation.
That is a good picture of us. We are all houses that have hidden treasures. We just can't see that fact because we have covered up the wounds in our hearts with cheap imitations. Saying we're happy with something that is OK, instead of digging deeper to find the wow underneath.
With God's help, the walls of my heart and my life are slowly becoming better and better. I am excited to see what God will do in this time of renovation in my life. I know it will be painful, but everyday I see new beauty being revealed.
I refuse to lie to myself anymore, I hope you will too. Because God never calls us to just survive and pretend we are fine... He calls us to live and live abundantly!
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